Being sad because I didnâ€™t feel sad…
Something made me sad this week. For a long time I have woken up every morning with an ache in my heart and an empty feeling in my tummy because, from the second I open my eyes, the first thing I think about is the fact I am not with the man I love anymore. But this week something happenedâ€¦ I woke up on Wednesday, ate breakfast, pottered about, had a shower and sat in front of the mirror to dry my hair Â and then I realised it was the first day for months that he wasnâ€™t the first thought in my head. This is huge, right? I mean this is some serious progress. But then came the sinking feeling again – does this mean he has stopped thinking about me too?
As crazy as it sounds, I had wished and prayed for the night to come where he wasnâ€™t all I dreamt about. To wake up and just think about anything other than him! Well this day came and it still left me with sadness! Do we just love a bit of pain or what? Am I really admitting to being sad because I didnâ€™t feel sad?!
I totally realise that this is all a process and time is the best remedy for a broken heart. There are times where you wish you could hide away in a dark room for days and you donâ€™t ever think you will get over the pain. But before you know it you get these moments, like I did, when you realise that you’re making progress.
Despite my moment of feeling sad for the sake of feeling sad, I am in a pretty awesome place right now. I can honestly say I havenâ€™t felt this complete in myself ever! I have the most exciting business opportunities and I have met the most amazing people over the last few weeks. My feet havenâ€™t touched the ground and I feel truly grateful for the new path I am on. I canâ€™t wait to share it all with you in more detail, however it’s pretty late now and I am off to Turkey tomorrow to visit the factory that are making all the garments for my fashion label so I am going to pop myself off to bed.
The moral of this blog is a simple one – have faith in time, it really is the best healer. Each baby step is HUGE progress! Be proud of every little step because they all count.
I’ll be back soon!