Iâ€™ve always struggled with my weight â€“ itâ€™s gone up and down over the years like a great big yoyo bouncing on a string. Iâ€™ve always felt too big and had a certain amount of self-loathing when it comes to the topic of fat. Iâ€™m not a naturally skinny girl (and boy do I know it), but pregnancy has totally changed the way I view my pre-pregnancy figure. Iâ€™ve been looking at photos in which, at the time, I was sure I was the identical weight to a baby elephant, but now I just see a fairly normal weighing girl â€“ hell, sometimes Iâ€™m actually pleasantly surprised with the figure looking back at me. So, now that I am bigger than normal (no self-loathing required, Iâ€™m human growing) I have a new appreciation for what I did haveâ€¦
And yes, itâ€™s what inside that counts â€“ but we all know that thereâ€™s so much said about weight in our society, so is it really that surprising that I had such a negative outlook on my size 10/12 figure? Weâ€™re told size zero is pretty â€“ or is it that size zero is too thin, but a six is good? I forget â€“ or maybe itâ€™s because the people that dictate these views change their minds on what is considered desirable on a weekly basis â€“ one week skinny is in, but the next itâ€™s â€˜big is beautifulâ€™. Itâ€™s so confusing, and hardly earthshattering news that I, like many others, constantly found myself despairing over the issue and feeling inadequate.
What has really hit me this week is the notion that life is ever changingâ€¦ and so are our bodies. Weâ€™ll go up and down, out and in, wide and thin â€“ depending on what weâ€™re doing with our lives. Itâ€™s something that we have to learn to embrace and roll with, rather than beat ourselves up over. Iâ€™ve also come to realise that a part of that is obviously understanding when a little bit of exercise might be in order and enjoying the feeling of my body rising to the challenge, rather than feeling like Iâ€™m torturing it in the hope that I can be moulded into someone elseâ€™s version of beautiful.
Iâ€™m saddened when I think back to the decades (yes, decades) of hatred towards my exterior. Therefore, Iâ€™d like to take this moment to apologise to my pre-pregnancy body. Sorry I gave you such a hard time, dude. I promise to give you a little more credit in the future â€“ and a whole lot of love to boot! I am what I am. My external self will change, itâ€™s a fact weâ€™ll all have to face at some point, but whatâ€™s outside will never define me.
Also this weekâ€¦
Â· Our pram arrived! Hurrah! We went for a Bugaboo Cameleon3 in black and orange. Orange is a fairly unisex colour, so we figured we were safe either way â€“ Tom also likes the fact that it makes the pram highly visible to others, making sure people are aware of the precious cargo onboard and to steer well clear of us. Bizarrely, the day the pram arrived, I was wearing black and orangeâ€¦ It looked like Iâ€™d decided to dress up as the pram. An odd choice for a fancy dress costume!
Â· We worked out how to use the ISO-Fix base (it beeps at you when you get things right) and played around with our car seat (we opted for a Maxi-Cosi Pebble). Crumbâ€™s carriage home is READY!
Â· The hospital bag has been packed! Well, almost. Thereâ€™s also a huge list of things that will still be needed in the next few weeks thatâ€™ll get chucked into the bag just before we leave. I say bag, I mean suitcase. It looks as though weâ€™re planning on staying at the hospital for a fortnight. Oopsey!
Â· I had some much needed reflexology. You may remember me saying a few weeks ago that my feet and hands had become mighty sweatyâ€¦ well, my feet had also swollen a little too. Nothing terrible, and itâ€™s totally common, but it was a little uncomfortable. So this week I went to visit a local reflexologist called Maaike for a little pamper. Oh, it was sooooo good! At the end of the hour-long session I looked down to see my stumpy feet had transformed back into something quite dainty looking! I was shocked. Needless to say, Iâ€™ve booked in again for next week and will continue having this weekly pamper until Crumb arrives.
Â· I attended a breastfeeding class! Iâ€™ll be honest, I was a little worried Iâ€™d be asked to whip my boobs out for inspection to see if they were up to the task, but luckily there was none of that. I know breastfeeding is a bit of a touchy subject and that mums have very strong views on it â€“ as if new mums need to feel anyone elseâ€™s judgement at a time when they already feel clueless and overwhelmed at the new challenge theyâ€™ve taken on?! My view on the topic is to do what is right for you. Your baby needs a happy mummy, not someone who feels downtrodden by motherhood or others who quickly pass judgement instead of offering support.
Â· Talking of emotions â€“ I had two meltdowns this week, which Iâ€™m mentioning because I find them quite comical now (and also to reassure anyone whoâ€™s done the same that itâ€™s quite common). One day I found myself bursting out sobbing hysterically for no reason (poor Tom) and another I wailed whilst reading Jojo Moyesâ€™ new book The One Plus Oneâ€¦ Could these be the start of the hormonal outbursts Iâ€™ve been warned about? Eek!
The week ended with a lovely catch up with my brother on Friday who came over for some sibling love, and a family meal with the Fletchers on Sunday before sitting down to watch Gravity (flipping heck, itâ€™s amazing â€“ so intense!). Got to love family time!
Hope you all have a fantastic week â€“ donâ€™t forget itâ€™s Pancake Day on Tuesday! Iâ€™ve got my jar of Nutella ready and waiting already! Yummy!
Lots of love,