The First Month of Motherhood…

I was tempted to tell you my positive birth story and leave it there – allowing you to join me at Buzz’s one month celebrations when things had (finally) started to fall into place. But there’s a whole area in the middle of those two events that wasn’t particularly pleasant and I feel like I do need to touch on it because if I’d have known just how tough it was all going to be I’d have relaxed a little – knowing that, part of what I felt, was totally normal.

We concentrated a lot on the birth and preparing for labour, so we were both extremely grateful that our work paid off. As I told you last week – my birthing experience was as close to perfect as I could’ve hoped for, and I know, for many women, that’s not always the case. So, having had such a positive time in the delivery room, the dramatic contrast of the weeks that followed hit us both pretty hard.

I never realised how demanding life was about to become. I feel guilty even writing that because we wanted Buzz in our lives so much – I can’t help but reprimand myself for anything negative surrounding his presence being said, so I’ll start by clarifying that I love him with all my heart and already couldn’t imagine my life without him… but, like I said, the first month was tough. We were suddenly faced with the reality of having a little human being who was dependent on Tom and I for everything! And I mean, everything. I don’t think it’s too surprising that it all became a little overwhelming… having to deal with the topsy-turvy hormones and my own recovery didn’t make things easier. Which, if I’m honest, made me feel things that I knew I didn’t really feel. I cried a lot. More than I’ve ever cried in my life. One night I had my sister and brother over (they’ve been wonderful) and I just burst out crying and turned into a red blubbering mess, all the while insisting that I was the happiest I’ve ever been. Giorgie and Mario have both seen me at my highest and lowest over the years – but they just stared at me in shock before enveloping me with their love and hugs.

baby-z

Then at eight days old Buzz developed an eye and finger infection. Meaning we had to go back into hospital for five days so that he could be put on an IV drip for antibiotics. Seeing him in pain as they placed a cannula in his hand was one of the most heartbreaking things I’ve ever witnessed. Although those five days were worrying, they forced me to stop and gave us time on our own to just bond with our newborn. Before that hospital trip I was aware that I was doing too much. I hadn’t stopped and as a result I was in constant pain. Because I wanted others to see me as ‘the perfect mum’ who could do it all, I hadn’t allow myself to rest, which, when you’re up every couple of hours during the night to feed and healing yourself, was stupid. I ended up getting an infection and prolonging my recovery (read misery). I was actually a little relieved to discover part of what I was feeling wasn’t the norm. I’d been feeling like the biggest wimp in the world – which upset me after having such an amazing time during his birth.

Hormones. Sleep deprivation. Physical discomfort. They broke me and, I’m ashamed to admit, that they made me doubt if I was up to my new role of ‘mummy’. All my life I’ve mothered others – nurtured, comforted and loved – my maternal instincts have always been a part of who I am. I’ve always known I was born to be a mummy. I’m pleased that, now that the cloud has lifted, I can get on with giving Buzz the love he deserves. The sunny days over the last couple of weeks have helped to lift my spirits immeasurably. I can’t tell you how lovely it’s been to get out of the house with Buzz. And, on top of everything, I’m overjoyed that the little dude has stopped peeing on us quite so much during the nappy changes. Ha!

So, why am I sharing this? Am I just sharing a negative story and spreading fear in the way others have done with their birth stories? I hope not. Instead I hope it helps other new mums or mums-to-be prepare a little better for what might be an overwhelming experience. No-one really mentioned what those first few weeks could potentially be like and because of that I spent time feeling guilty of my feelings, rather than just accepting them and knowing that they’d pass. If I were to give advice it would be to not plan too much in the first few weeks – take it easy (like, really easy – stay in bed and enjoy your newborn), don’t have too many visitors and accept your family’s offers of taking care of things around the house in exchange for baby cuddles.

book-z

Also this week…

I’ve received the German translation for my debut novel Billy and Me and they look amazing. The title in Germany is Sternenküsse (Star Kisses) and the publishers changed Billy Buskin’s surname to Sinclair – but I think those are the only changes that were made. Funny to think that people are going to be reading something I devised in a language I can’t even read!

The Easter bunny came! I hope you’ve all had a wonderful Easter weekend. I had my family over on Good Friday for a walk in the fresh air and fish and chips – followed by some serious chocolate indulgence. Well, why not? Whilst writing this I’m actually tucking into a Ferrero Rocher egg. In my opinion it’s the best thing ever created!

 

icecream-z

 

Tom’s been away with the McBusted boys on tour for most of this week (which kicked off in Glasgow on Wednesday), but managed to sneak home on his off day for some family time with me and Buzz on Easter Sunday. I can’t imagine how hard it must be for him to be away from our little dude. He’s changing so much every day and growing fast.

Talking of the McBusted tour – me and Buzz are off to The 02 this week to support his daddy who’s playing three nights there. Buzz won’t be watching the show (obviously), but it’ll be his first taste of tour life. Let’s hope he likes it!

Have a good one!

Love, Gi. Xx

88 comments

  1. Thank you for sharing this with us. It’s really kind ! Have a beautiful life Gi ! xx

  2. sammy jo kershaw

    This is how I felt when I became a mother 3 and a half years ago…… made me think of my son’s first few weeks into this world….. its nice to see someone has finally touched upon this time in a mothers life and the newborn… fantastic and truthful read….. brought a smile t my morning….. sammy x

  3. Glad to hear things are on the up for you!
    It might be helpful to watch Hannah Maggs’ YouTube channel, she gave birth a little before you and vlogs her week. She too found the first few weeks really difficult!
    http://www.youtube.com/channel/UC2Ex6mz9I0DS92uVoW6pfSg
    Emma x

  4. Beautiful peice. I can relate so much. Take it easy x

  5. I think this is a really useful message to give to new mums. It can be really hard and overwhelming in the first few weeks and sometimes it feels like that time will never pass. You can feel so guilty for not enjoying every single moment with your new baby, but I think it’s important for new parents to know that that’s ok. You can get upset. You can wonder if you’re up to the job of being a parent. It will get easier and you will barely remember those down moments as your child grows up.
    Thanks for writing a post that I’m sure many parents will be able to relate to.

  6. Amazing post…first mum to be on September!

  7. This post is extremely honest and I hope it is reassuring to new mums who read it. My daughter is 10 and a half months old and I remember these feelings all too well. Similarly my birth was reasonably uncomplicated, though having no pain relief it was painful (ouch!), the following 4 weeks were the toughest I’ve had. I was breastfeeding and unable to express enough for a feed so it was ALWAYS me, it took it’s toll. Lots of tears were shed and I constantly thought “This is everything I want but I don’t think I can do it”. Don’t get me wrong my partner was and is amazing but it was myself I doubted. Our turning point was when I started my daughter on formula milk because she had completely drained me one evening after a 5 hour constant feeding session. After that the sleepless nights were less frequent and now occur due to the teething fairy! Being a mummy is tough, tougher than I ever imagined and when everyone says your whole life is going to change you will not understand it until it happens but it is sooooo worth it. The love for that tiny person is unbelievable, so pure, so eternal. Stick in there mummies, you CAN do it! X

  8. Well done on sorry brilliantly honest insight into Motherhood. My own 2 boys are now 18 & 20 years and what I wouldn’t give to do it all again. Every Mum experience is different but there are no rights or wrongs, you have to learn what works for you. Gi, it sounds to me like you are laying down great foundations for your family unit and have it pretty much sussed. Sleep deprivation is the worst thing and I believe if you can get sleep everything else is a little easier. Never be afraid to ask for help, it doesn’t make you a failure, it makes you sensible. I remember calling my Mum in to take baby for a walk while I got my head down. ..it really works and leaves you more capable of coping when that gorgeous bundle is testing how load he can scream at 3am. Oh yes, learn your babies screams, I found each was slightly different and you learn which is for food, nappy or purely to make his presence felt! As for the amazing shooting wee during nappy change, I found it was the cool air that triggered so would put a flannel over his little man whilst cleaning him. It worked well. Good luck to you for the future, I look forward to hearing about your adventures. Enjoy every moment for the truth is it really does go VERY quickly.

  9. As a mum of a boy who turns two next month, I just want to say thank you so much for your honesty about the difficulties of the first weeks of motherhood. I’ve been there, and I know how comforting it is to read those accounts of other new mothers that say hey, you’re not alone, and most of all that it’s okay to be overwhelmed, to cry, to not be “perfect” (whatever that is). I’m sure you writing about your experiences here will indeed help many new mothers and mothers-to-be who might be reading!

    I’m sorry you had to go through a hospital visit with a newborn too, my own son developed a bacterial infection when he was a week old which resulted in a 4 day hospital stay, so I know how hard that is. Glad it went well though!

    Anyway really just wanted to leave a comment to say thank you for being so open and honest. Enjoy the baby time, they really grow up way, way too fast!

  10. Emilie Millington

    Hi, I am a mum to be. Am due the 1st may 2014. I’ve really enjoyed reading this and it’s nice to hear the truth. I will definatly take note on letting my family help in exchange for baby cuddles. I’ve really enjoyed reading your bling and I will be reading it everytime you update.

  11. Loved your blog this week. Don’t think there is a new mum out there who didn’t cry in the first few weeks for nothing in particular. In my case it was in front of my mum and midwife on one of her visits.

    It is truely the most wonderful magical job in the world, being a mummy, but those first few weeks are really really tough. Wish someone would have told me before I had my little girl and I might have tried to relax and embrace it more!

    Keep up the good work xxx

  12. Thank you for writing this! I too had a near perfect delivery with our little boy Jack, but those first few days and weeks after his birth were the toughest I’ve experienced. I cried a lot, slept very little and struggled with the recovery. I wanted to be super mum too! 18 months on life is amazing with our little man but each new day brings it’s own challenges, luckily new joys too. I hope you and Tom enjoy your time with Buzz while he is so small as it is really true they don’t stay small for long!

  13. It’s great to see and read an account of those first few weeks as they can really be most people famous or not don’t talk about the reality and how hard it can be 3 years ago when I had james I tried to be super mum always washed and dressed before midwife called tasking him out for walks of course making me a wreak and slowing down my healing now with number 2 on the way this time I will be accepting more help not caring if I’m still in my pjs and making sure there’s quality time to bond as a family they grow so quick and those precious moments can go in a flash thank you for such an honest blog was a delight to read and congratulations on your gorgeous big xx

  14. Lovely story and oh so true
    I’ve 2 boys and I went through the same thing but with help you get through
    Those tough times but also with the tough their or loads and rememberable time x enjoy the the time with your baby because it goes by so quickly
    My boys or now 14&20 xx

  15. Bless you for sharing your account, I think you’ll really help new mums relies there not alone in feeling the same way. I remember feeling the same way and no one can prepare you for those feelings and when they lift and you are all used to one another they feeling of joy is over welling. Enjoying this wonderful time with your precious baby boy it goes so fast!

  16. This made me feel really emotional hearing of your experiences with buzz. I hardly ever get emotional at these things but this was very moving. I hope everything is now perfect for you! You deserve it :) i bet buzz will be a natural on the tour, and you get to rock out too! Have a good Easter

  17. Gi this made me cry! It’s wonderful to read such honesty regarding motherhood. It’s understandable to feel every emotion possible, I’m sure. Me & my hubby have been trying for our first for 7 months but nobody ever talks about the difficult side to it so thank you for this. When our time finally comes I’ll certainly be looking into hypnobirthing. You guys are the cutest family ever! :) xx

  18. Hi Giovanna. Your article is so spot on and admirable. I admire your honesty and candid response. The early days of becoming a mum are awesome, scary, daunting, exciting, tearful …. and many more, all bundled into one! There is nothing to be ashamed of admitting your true feelings. Sadly, society dictates how we should respond in so many situations and they are often not the reality at all. Wanting to be the perfect mum is exactly what you were, are and will continue to be. You are the best mum that Buzz could ever ask for. When hormones take over, it is hard. Asking for help is one thing many mums find hard to do and your mum will relate so well to that as she to went through exactly what you are going through. You have an amazing family, so enjoy them and let them and your friends be there for you.
    Enjoy all that motherhood gives you – joy, fear, frustration, pride, love, anxiety …. It will all come to you and you will be amazing. I have loved every minute of being a mum. My children will always be my children and I will love them forever. The challenges are amazing. Enjoy them and cherish them as the time will fly by.

  19. Gi, you’re so amazing. No one shares stories like this and I think more people should. Me and my partner have just got engaged but the thought of having kids terrifies the life out of me. Hearing realistic, natural stories like this really will help people prepare and I think you’re amazing for sharing such a personal story. Congratulations on ur beautiful baby boy xx

  20. Thank you for an honest account of being a new mum. Ups and downs continue for ever and cherish every moment. But every world every mum will relate with and we all think we should be amazing when actually it’s impossible. Xx

  21. You are a true inspiration. Loved this blog :). I wish all the luck and happiness in the world to Tom, Buzz and you

  22. Danielle Forster

    Thanks for your honesty, I’m due in a matter of weeks and I appreciate the heads up!

  23. Thanks so much for sharing your first few weeks. It’s true, nobody does ever tell you how truly hard the first weeks are. My oldest little boy is 2 now, and honestly, you do forget the bad bits and only remember the good. So when my 8 week old was born it was a massive shock to the system! Sleepless nights and having a screaming baby 24/7 on top of a slightly jealous and demanding toddler has been rather horrendous at times. It has also been made worse by the fact my poor tiny baby suffers from reflux and a possible cows milk protein intolerance. I’ve even doubted whether having another baby so soon was such a good idea. But the hard times do, indeed, pass and things eventually get easier! By the time your gorgeous boy Buzz is 12 months you will be ready for another I’m willing to bet! The good bits definitely outweigh the bad :)

    So, to round off, a HUGE congratulations to you and Tom, and thanks again for sharing your experiences! It definitely helps for mums to know they are not alone with their negative thoughts. X

  24. Thank you for sharing, i’m sure a lot of people relate to this. And for the mothers-to be is great confort to know what to expect the first few day.
    I’m Buzz has a great mummy ;)

  25. Meant I’m sure*
    Sorry xx

  26. He’s so beautiful Gi, every pregnancy and birth is different and everyone has their own experiences and copes with things differently, I was in hospital for a month with pre eclampsia and my little man ended up being born 5 weeks early, after he was born I would cry at random times for absolutely no reason! I felt like such a loon haha but it soon passed and all I can say is to just to enjoy every single moment as it comes because those newborn moments soon pass and before you know it you are organizing his 1st birthday! I think you guys make great parents and always trust your instincts, you know your baby best not all those nosey parkers trying to tell you what to do. Motherhood is the most beautiful thing in the world enjoy every second xx

    Natalie xoxo

  27. Hi Gi,

    Just passed on your blog to my friend who’ll have her baby in July.. you’ve already given hope to my friend because she was starting to worry :) Be your usual smiley self and all problems will be solvable :) xxx from Malta

  28. Thank you for being so honest. There is such pressure, self imposed as well as external to be perfect that you feel, well I felt, that any negative feelings were a sign of absolute failure. The responsibility of looking after this little life was crippling to the point I had to consciously stop and remind myself just to hold her and tell my daughter how much I loved her. Like you I breast fed and as my daughter was premature ( she remained in 0-3 months clothes until she was nearly 1) she was too small to last longer than two hours between feeds. Thus after 7 months I was hallucinating with exhaustion. It was only when my mother in law came to visit saw the state I was in and took me straight to her home that I managed to relax a little. The hospital break although horrible did give you the chance to hand over, briefly, a little of the responsibility and thus give you a chance to see that in order to be the best mum for Buzz you need to be a healthy you. Go easy on yourself, I’m sure you’re doing the best job you can do. To be as loved as Buzz clearly is makes up for a million other rubbish jobs you may miss doing but so what really?Sitting down for a cuddle is far more important.

  29. Beautifully written… Honest interesting …

  30. Hey Gi, I’ve not the experience but I think it’s all normal. You are adjusting to life that contain a newborn, you were being unfair to yourself and I’m glad you gave yourself the time and the chance. As I said, I don’t have kids but when I was born my mum had post labour depression and couldn’t bring herself to touch me until I was about two months old! So, what I’m trying to say is that I’m sure you’re a great mum and being first time a mum is not easy and you’re doing great. There are ups and downs in everything, you’re human! Don’t push yourself too hard.
    Happy holidays. X

  31. Michelle cleveland

    I really enjoyed reading Giovanna’s blog about the first month with a newborn. I agree completely that it was the hardest time and quite a shock to the system. You feel like every other mum must be better than you and almost like a freak for finding the demands of a new baby so challenging but when you speak to other mums they all agree that they too had some negative emotions they felt ashamed of…but they are completely natural, thank goodness! Good luck to all new mums. 7 months on for me…my little girl is a joy to behold each and every day. Motherhood gets easier and more rewarding the more your confidence grows. It’s amazing!

  32. I’m so so so happy you’ve written this text – about the superwoman-thing all girls feel. We always feel like we’re not good enough – but Gi, you’re amazing!! And EVERY McFlyer I know, are so jelly on Buzz for having you and Tom as parents. He couldn’t get it better!!!

  33. First of all, congratulations on this new amazing life! This sense of “frustration” (not the exactly word to describe this feeling) is totally normal… See, Buzz is your first child and you’ll always want to give him the best and sometimes some first time mommies think they are not doing everything fine, but i’m 100% sure you’re being a wonderful, truly amazing mother, and Buzz is such a lucky boy to have you as a mother, ’cause you’re such a delicated and warm woman with such a good heart.
    I wish to you, Tom and Buzz all the best!
    Claire xxx

  34. I’m so glad you cared enough to share this story. It took me a very long time to get over the overwhelming feelings. I spent so long believing everyone else in the world must be super human but me. The wonderful thing is now you remember all the times you got peed on and laugh and not so much all the crying. Maybe that’s why everyone forgets to warn us about the adventures in the very beginning.
    That you worry about not living up to the job means you are perfect for the job.

  35. What a lovely blog. You are completely normal!! I can remember crying and crying for any little reason! No one can prepare you for it but you must never feel bad it’s the most rewarding but hardest thing to do. You seem to be just a lovely normal mummy and daddy . Take care and enjoy your lives together x x x

  36. OMG! Gi, even when you are telling us a negative thing it sounds positive from you :))
    anyway I want to thank you coz I’m really up to something big (not being a mum or anything) just I’ve been planing so hard to it and you comfort me when you said that it’s okay if the plans goes wrong or at some point you should let it go and see how it goes without planing. thank you so much <3

    have a nice day/night. Xxx

  37. As a mummy to a gorgeous 2 year old boy i find it so refreshing to read your blog explaining to the many, infact I’m sure all new mothers just how tough having a newborn baby is. I, like you was totally unaware of the feelings that were going to hit me when I brought my little boy home, and was completely afraid of failing as a mummy. I personally found the first 3 weeks unbearable and couldn’t see how I was ever going to cope, I loved my baby and cried every time I had a moment to myself with him as I couldn’t believe just how beautiful he was. I’m so pleased you have taken the time to write this heart warming, truthful blog and you will help so many future mummy’s.
    What a lucky boy Buzz is to have you and Tom
    Xxx xxx

  38. Thank you for sharing your experiences with mr, I enjoy reading them, look forward to more, thank you again for sharing

  39. Gillian Trueman

    i am 8 months into life with our little girl, I haven’t had a nights sleep yet and I am tried every day I cry a lot and feel alone a lot of the time. not that I don’t have support I do and its amazing life just changes beyond all recognition but it does start to feel normal and the two of you start to feel like three. just make sure you nap when he does!!!

  40. After losing our son at 22 wks, when I became preg again with our daughter we came home from hospital shut the door and shut the world away. We both spent 4 days home alone I never got out of bed and it was bliss as we got to know our new baby and no one else even knew she was here. Our amazing midwife said she loved it when she goes to a house and the mum is in her p.js lying in bed/sofa doing nothing :)

  41. Hurrah for honesty, I remember saying after my first that I wish people were more honest about how tough the first few weeks are. I don’t feel it is an admittance of failure to say its hard sometimes. I am now a mum of three and each subsequent baby I have prepared myself to not love every minute of the first six weeks and as a result have been less hard on myself as a result. Once you start getting a bit of your evenings back and a little bit of a routine life gets much easier. Good luck and congratulations to you both, I’m sure you are doing a fab job x

  42. Beautifully written and not at all scary. My two are 22 and 20 now and reading this brought it all back to me and brought tears to my eyes. My eldest, a boy, was nearly 4 weeks early and weighed less than 6lb. I breastfed every 3 hours and was exhausted. My brain felt like it was wrapped in cotton wool, all fluffy and muffled. At 6 weeks he had dreadful colic and I remember someone saying it improves by 12 weeks and I thought I’ve just got to get through this 6 weeks again, feel dreadful now for wishing his life away but I was at my wits end. Its true tho, you do forget and I found 2nd time around much easier. I think because I was more laid back and knew nothing terrible would happen if she cried for a bit, or the world wouldn’t end if I napped when they did. My midwife told me that if they go into a home that’s immaculate it rings alarm bells because it probably means the baby is being neglected while you do housework. So don’t worry if the sink is full of washing up and the washing basket is full. It means you are doing the best job in the world well. That’s being a mum!

  43. You’re not being negative, you’re being honest. It sounds very normal to me. We all want to be the best moms we can be, but we’re not fair to each other when we’re not honest. I was really disappointed with my first birth experience, because I felt that I lost control at the end of labor. After subsequent births of # 2 & #3, I forgave myself, it was just transition. If you have more children, you’ll know what to expect postpartum, and it will be easier. With #1, I cried every day at sundown, because I thought I’d never sleep a full night again! Thanks for being honest!

  44. Hi Gi,
    I love reading your blogs because of how honest you always are and this one especially. Being a mum to 3 munchkins i can relate to what you described about the tough first few weeks. Like everyone has said here, it’s completely normal to feel that way.
    Isn’t it amazing how such a tiny little human being can demand so much of your time and energy, as tiring as it can be sometimes, it will honestly be the most rewarding thing you will ever do :)
    And you’re right no-one really mentions the tough first weeks much, but maybe that’s because after a few months you do forget about all the sleepless nights and teary moments..promise!
    You and Tom are amazing parents, Buzz is a very lucky boy to have you both.
    I wish you all the best and can’t wait for your next updates :) xx

  45. Hi Gi, I really love your blog, you talk about the real life, well, real life from some people who don’t dare to talk about it.
    I think you’re going to be a good mummy, what I say? A perfect mummy! The experience is acquiring with practice and your family can help you in everything. You have a lovely family, a lovely husband and a adorable son, you’re a lucky girl so, don’t be sad, bad times is going off in few days and then the sun is out again, remember that “behind the clouds the sky is always blue”

    Love you Gi! Have a really good week. X

    PS.: You’re making me cry with this blog, I’m very sensitive! And sorry for my english.

  46. I made the mistake of too many visitors too. I also cried for a good couple of weeks. It’s tougher than you can prepare for. My baby is 6 months old now & we are having a great time! It gets easier Gi. Promise xx

  47. Chloe Huxtable-Jones

    So nice to see someone actually say look it does feel pretty shit the first couple of days/weeks. I’m not a mum & I’ve not really had any younger family around but I know from studying childcare that it’s totally normal to feel the way you (and many many others) do & will during that time.
    Just thank you for reassuring others that they aren’t doing anything wrong

    Xxx

  48. Gi, it’s one of those things that only other parents who have been through it can truly understand: the happiest, but the most utterly exhausting challenges of the first few weeks of a newborn. Sleep deprivation is unavoidable, but does strange things to your brain and ability to function that you never saw coming. All I can say, as a mother now of two little ones, is just do whatever you can to survive those first few months – accept all offers of help, and if you can, try just have a decent block of sleep every so often. It does get easier, and you’ll soon start to be able to enjoy everything more – the first few weeks are the toughest but it sounds like you are doing a great job. Thanks so much for sharing such an honest view – I know there will be a whole hoard of mummies out there empathising with you and who felt exactly the same. Love and sleep dust to all three of you.

  49. Your story is important and it’s good that you shared the other side of new motherhood. For some it is so easy but for others (many others), it is a weird, unsettling, painful time which we often try so hard to ignore. I didn’t realise at the time of having my baby nearly 4 years ago now, but only when I looked back after the first few months, that the first six weeks were very, very difficult; I felt almost in a numb fog, battling every day against a huge range of emotions and body changes, but then the fog cleared and I settled ino my new role, as it sounds you are now too. Take it really easy, you’ve done an amazing thing! There’s all the time in the world to set the world to rights as Superwoman but only so much time to enjoy little babies :-)

  50. Thank you for your honesty. No one tells you how hard it is going to be. I had my first born son by c-section in NYC then moved to London 10 days later. What was I thinking? My second born son did not make it to his first birthday. I moved back to NYC. My third born was a beautiful girl but I suffered postpartum depression. I knew nothing about postpartum depression and should have gotten professional help. My fourth child was born. He was an easy, breezy baby, a slice of sunshine and finally I felt happiness returning to my life. My introduction to motherhood was brutal but my children are now in their early 20s and I love being their mother. No one said it was going to be easy. But did it have to be that hard? I guess so.

  51. Brill blog I have 4 kids and all different in birth you guys wil be great parents so happy for you both love seeing everything you guys do xx

  52. Hi Gi,

    Thanks for sharing your story. I too had a perfect labour and delivery, but I became poorly after delivery after losing too much blood meaning I was confined to bed rest in hospital for a day, when I had recovered enough to go home, my gorgeous son was whisked away to NICU after contracting an infection. The day after we was rushed from Basildon hospital to royal London with him after he became more poorly and he wasn’t out of NICU for a week. Worst week of our lives, seeing your baby in an incubator not being able to hold or feed your baby. I was totally unprepared for the possibility of something like that happening and it broke me. I’m pleased to say we too got through the dark days and are enjoying our little man every second. So lucky to have him! He is now 12 weeks old and is so strong!

    Keep well and look after yourself, I will be at mcbusted on Saturday! So excited :)

  53. Well done for being so brave to say how you feel.
    Being a mum is absolutely the best thing in the world but those first few weeks are terrifying! Your suddenly in charge of this little life forever and it’s scary. It’s only natural for every woman to doubt herself.
    At least by you talking about it everyone knows it’s natural.
    Congrats on being a new mum it’s all an amazing experience! X

  54. Oh Gi. I can relate to this so much. I have a 12 week old little girl, and in the first 3 weeks, I had such a hard time adjusting to becoming a mummy, trying to breast feed and having to take care of a little life that needed my constant attention! You’re right, no one tells you what that’s going to be like, but even if they did, I don’t think many people would realise just how much everything was going to change until it actually happens!
    Don’t be ashamed of how you felt, and don’t feel that you have to justify and clarify your love for Buzz to anyone! You’re only human, you can’t help it if you struggle every now and then! I’m sure you’re doing a amazing job, don’t doubt yourself! ❤️

  55. Frances Garrity

    It’s really great that you shared your story, as I’m sure there are many mothers out there who needed to hear that they are not alone, along with realizing that you aren’t either. I am not a mother yet, but my family was blessed to have a miracle occur. My cousin Pat and his wife Amy had a baby boy November 2, 2011. He was born at 26 weeks, so needless to say, they were a bit unprepared for the extremely early arrival of their little bundle. Amy actually blogged about the experience up until the day they were able to bring home Finn Thomas on February 2, 2012. She talked about her hardships along with the positives because it was her way of releasing stress. It was her way of coping. It also helped to know that she had people who loved and supported through all the blog comments and whatnot. Never be ashamed of any of the feelings you may have in parenting, as you are not the only one who has felt mad, sad, scared, worried, and/or inadequate among the positive feelings you have. Every experience is individualized. There are books that can prepare you in a general sense, but there wasn’t a book on how to raise Buzz until the day he becomes independent. You are not defined by your falls, but how you get back up. Stay positive and know that you will always have people who will back you up, sista! (If it helps a little, you have backup and love being sent all the way from Wisconsin, USA!)

  56. Love to see you express this, it’s often missed by those in the spot light. Makes others realise they are not alone too! My little girl is 6 months, the first few weeks were great, I just wanted to do everything with her and did as much as I could do. I had a 3 hour labour and came home 3 hours later, straight away had visitors and haven’t had a proper nights sleep since she has been born. Now the hectic few months are finally catching up on me, I’m not quite feeling myself anymore and everyone else is noticing it too. It’s time for me to go and sort things out before I get lower. I would not wish for anything more than Adalia but I guess I’m having this feeling now! Adalia is my world but I’m finding it challenging right now. She is not a demanding baby in fact she is brilliant! Just my emotions finally catching up on me. Funny how the mind works! I wish you all the best for the future with Buzz what a cutie he is <3!
    Will definitely be following your blogs, true words you speak <3

  57. I had my daughter back at the end of January. The first thing I did when we got home from the hospital was sit down and bawl my eyes out. I cried at least once a day for weeks. When my daughter was less than a week old my partner whisked us away to visit his family and we spent 2 weeks non stop visiting people while I was trying to recover from a cesarean. I felt like a barely had any time for us to bond as the three of us, our little family, in those first few weeks.
    Having a baby is definitely the hardest job in the world, but it is definitely the most rewarding!

  58. Hello, I’m glad you’re a real mom and tell people about all its stages of life, keep always so …

    Kisses

  59. I had my girl 8 weeks prem as I was very poorly hormones fly everywhere and it’s so hard to get a baby Into a routine while in the hospital! It does get easier my girl is now 2 u forget all the negatives (currently trying for no.2) for sharing ur story thanku as it highlights it’s not all a bed of roses and we hope we ve shown u with our stories no matter who u r us mummies all help each other through :) xxx

  60. Hi Gi! I wanted you to know (if you’re reading this) that your blog this week was amazing, really honest, I really appreciate that you shared this with us. You’ll be (and you are) a great mum, don’t you worry!! Hope you have a great day! Greetings from Argentina-

  61. Ah sweet Gi, my heart went out to you as I read your words. Lack of sleep, pain from birth and lactation, crazy mixed up hormones, Buzz’s infections and too much company would frazzle the nerves of the strongest woman. You are not alone and it is ok to be vulnerable and fragile and to let others care for you as you care for Buzz. The cliche, “Having a baby changes everything,” is not an understatement. However, when Buzz smiles and coos for the first time…when he is listening to his own voice and you hear little noises coming from the back seat as you drive along…you will want time to stand still…you will forget about this time and be prepared for the next time. All will be well. :-).

    Ethan’s Real Grandma

  62. Wow, I can’t imagine what you’ve been through…but I’m really glad things are getting better. I’m sure you’re an amazing person, and we all have our ups and downs, so no need to punish yourself for feeling like that. In fact I know a lot of mothers who went through kinda the same thing, it’s A LOT of change in such little time. So yeah, you just have to get used to it.
    Your son is beautiful! Congratulations to both you and Tom!
    PS: I had a Ferrero Rocher egg too, and YES, they are the most amazing thing in the world!
    Take care Gi!

  63. Dear New Mum,
    Nobody could have said it better. I went through a similar experience with my first born. 24 hours after having Colleen,I developed a red hot,over the top breast infection. Baby became very cranky not being able to nurse. Mood swings,crying(me not the baby) and no help.
    By far the worst experience in my early stages of being a new Mommy.
    Your words will help many.Sometimes life moments are not so sweet. Keep getting stronger.
    Many blessings to you,Buzz and Tom.

  64. I was EXACTLY the same! I tried to be this ‘super mum’ and still do all the chores and cook dinner, I insisted on not sleeping during the day so I could catch up on house work and cook dinner! My partner worked away from Monday to Friday so I know what it’s like for you now that Tom is on tour. I think we all need to remember that this role of ‘super mum’ doesn’t exist. Were only human, I had a very long winded recovery due to this thinking I could cope and keep up. It gets a lot easier. My little girl is 6 month now and were all doing great. I remember the days of crying all the time. It’s very overwhelming! You’ll get there. Make sure you focus on yourself too :)

  65. Oh wow … Reading this has really made me realise that I wasn’t alone. I had an emergancy c section due to my little mans heart beat falling. As soon as I was out of hospital, I insisted in doing all the night feeds so my husband could get sleep for work and insisted in cooking dinners and being the best mum. All I wanted was for people to say look at her …. She only had a major op a couple of days ago.
    I also cried for no reason. One day in the car I cried because I didn’t want him to grow up!!!! Now watching him grow up and do new things is the highlights of my day.
    Since reading your article I’ve looked back and I cannot believe what I made myself do and how much pain I was in. I must have rally pushed through all my pain barriers to do what I was doing. I think next time I will step back and say to my husband no family can you do this because looking back I really delayed my healing by thinking I was invinsable.
    Thanks for making me realise I wasn’t alone.
    X

  66. I too applaud your courage and honesty. Bravo!

  67. Congratulations Gi on beautiful buzz he is amazing … Thank you for being so honest about your time as a new mum. I was exactly the same thinking all these new feelings were wrong and I was ashamed to tell any one. There are some many books and blogs about the time leading up to the birth but very little about the harest 2months after.So it was nice to read a true account of the experience from someone so honest. My little boy is two now and although it was the hardest few months we have ever hard they are soon replaced with happy memories ( new challenges might I add. ) stay positive and enjoy ever second of him as they change to quick.. Congratulations again your a true inperation ..
    G xx

  68. Thanks for both this week and last weeks blog. It was great to hear a positive birth story but I had been wondering what the first few weeks would be like as a first time mum to be and this has gone some way in helping to understand the feelings and emotions I can expect to feel. It’s not scary and it’s not negative, it’s just an honest account of the toughest job in the world.

    Thanks again.

  69. brighid mckenna

    I really enjoyed reading ur blog. As a mother of two little ones it really brought back all those memories of life with a newborn. The first time around is so very hard and testing but once you get over those hard days u look back and think wow was that really me? It all seems like a big blur now. U sound like a great mum whose doing a wonderful job! Buzz sounds like a cool little dude. I think its great that u’ve shared ur story as its nice to know that other mums have experienced it and it will certainly help future mums to be. No one ever warns u of what lies ahead and there is so much pressure on mums today especially with how to feed ur baby! U seem like a very strong woman like myself and i remember all those feelings of guilt and thinking am i a good mother and comparing myself to other new mums who seemed to have it together! but like u say those feelings pass and u begin to feel normal again. Having a baby in march is great because the weather is always great and just that first smell of fresh air gives u a boost! ur doing great and should b very proud of how far u’ve come! x

  70. Gi, you’re really strong woman and you can do it with all problems. I wish your family all the best :)

  71. Hi Gi: I read your post with a nodding head. I had my first baby nearly 12 years ago, and from being a high flying in-control career woman, I crumbled. The only way to stay sane was to write, so I write a little self-help book called All Day Pajamas, which I emailed to friends and finally managed to get up on to Amazon as an ebook last year. The tone is light hearted and humorous (but helpful) – one friend said it saved her life :)
    Would love you to read it. Send me your email and I’ll send it to you.
    Gillian

  72. I could have written this myself. It is so nice to read that someone experienced the same struggle during the first months as I did. When I hear friends, family, co-workers it’s all butterflies and rainbows. Perfect babies with perfect mothers. It wasn’t like that for me at all. My daughter is 14 months old now, she was born in February 2013. We looked forward so so much to welcoming her and we prepared everything we could, but you can never prepare fully. When she was born I was just dazed and scared. I realized I had no idea how to handle a newborn despite all the preparations. Breastfeeding was hard, she wouldn’t stop crying at night, she barely slept during the day either; I didn’t even know how to pick her up from her crib or change her diaper properly. I was anxious, scared, stressed, in pain from the delivery, sleep deprived and emotionally drained because I felt like I couldn’t even take care of my daughters basic needs. I cried for days when we came home from the hospital despite all the help I was getting from my husband and family. Not being able to go outside for about two months because of the horrible snowy weather in 2013 didn’t help either. I was cooped up inside with a crying newborn while my husband was at work for weeks, fretting away. It took me a few weeks/months to accept that life just isn’t the same anymore when you have a child. Everything changes and not everything about it is pretty or fun. No matter how much you prepare, you are never fully prepared so don’t even try to be perfect. That is the lesson I have learned: don’t fret, things will come naturally, you just need time to get to know your baby and grow as a mother. Bad feelings and doom thinking will go away, it just takes some time unfortunately. I’m so glad I have a wonderful baby who is growing into such a lovely little girl (thank god less and less demanding every day). We have a great bond and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. She is worth every little bit of hardship I ever experienced and I’m sure you (will) feel the same way about your baby.

  73. Gi! You’re really strong woman and you can do it with all problems. I wish your family all the best! xxx

  74. It’s really refreshing to hear someone in the public eye talk so honestly about their feelings, I have just had my second baby another boy and no one could prepare me for how hard it would be second time round! I honestly thought it would be easy as I’d’ done this before’! It’s easy to get lost in our emotions and feel like u can’t cope, u don’t know what to do, feel guilty to your firstborn and just feel useless! But I’ve now got out of the baby blues and I’m starting to feel I can do this, with lots of help from family which I’m very grateful of, it’s nice to know your not alone and lots of new mums and second, third etc.. Feel like this too! Good luck to all who have just had a baby, we will be fantastic mothers it just takes time :) xxxx

  75. […] Home  »  Celeb Gossip   »   HELLO! Online blogger Giovanna Fletcher speaks honestly about the first month of motherhood […]

  76. Motherhood is TOUGH! Especially those first few months. You are finding your feet and sleep deprevation is exhausting. Add that to hormones that have you crying at anything and it’s a scary time. I cried for 3 weeks after my last child was born, although we’d tried for 4 years to conceive and she couldn’t have been more wanted. I was deliriously happy but couldn’t stop crying and I too tried to do everything, I was dragging a hoover around the bedroom the day after I got out of hospital, despite having a c section less than a week earlier. My advice to any new Mum, is sleep when you have chance, actually let people do stuff for you around the house (even though you know it wont be as well as you can do it!) and just use that time to focus on your baby. In time it gets easier, those tears become fewer and further apart. Those first few months fly over in the blink of an eye and you’ll look back and wonder where they went (my oldest is 21 this summer) so try to enjoy it xx

  77. Hi, I’m not a mum yet but would we’re planning on the next couple of years, i have always wondered how it is in the first few hours/ days/weeks as it must be crazy, it’s not like you’ve had an operation now you can just go home and recuperate, there’s an actual human being, and you’re in recovery, maybe complications, infections, discomfort etc, no chance to rest when you’re constantly in demand. But nobody ever really says any of that stuff, it’s all cute pictures, lovely stories and quotes. I will use your open, honest and grounded story as guidance for when i become a mum as, if it goes better than planned, all happy, but if there is misery, complications, emotions and exhaustion at least you’re prepared. It is THE biggest thing ever to do and put yourself through, nobody can be super mum, or just super-human. Life is far far too hard, we need to learn it is OK top accept help. It must be a British thing. Thank You for your story, and nice to hear a story from a gorgeous, curvy, real woman that actually indulges, can’t beat fish and chips, and i am with you on the Forerro Rocher Egg, best thing ever. Love to you, and family. Genuinely Lovely decent, honest, helpful people :) X

  78. Don’t be hard on yourself – and thank you for being honest. Publicly, motherhood is so idealised that people would rather not admit – in any detail anyway – the guilt and frustration that it brings. Having to sit alone for hours with a grumpy baby is tough, not being able to go to the loo or eat anything other than cereal is tough, breastfeeding is unbelievably tough. Let anyone help you – tell them what you need, and don’t feel guilty about taking shortcuts! Really, it does get easier! There is never a simple fix for any problem but you just develop a repertoire of different ways of coping. Stammi bene e Ciao!

  79. I most definitely had deja vu reading all of this. Those first few months of motherhood are the most challenging and emotional. They make you doubt yourself plenty of times, and you’ll feel so out of your depth. I’m almost 9 months down the line and alot of the worries from the beginning have dissapeared, although now new ones have come as my little one becomes more active. But that’s all part of the fun! The biggest advice i could ever give any new mother is to sleep when baby sleeps. It’s the only way i could have coped, as well as plenty of help from family. Enjoy as much time as you can with Buzz, the time flies in so quick. He’ll be walking and talking before you know it! xxx

  80. There are so many wonderful things about motherhood, and thats all everyone talks about most of the time. Thank you for sharing your experience! There is no shame in being honest, being a mom is not always rainbows and unicorns, but I can tell you from experience that the good always outweighs the bad, always. :)

  81. You’re so right, everyone focusses so much on the birth nobody prepares you for after. You should so get hold of a book called ‘BabyCalm’ by a lady called Sarah Ockwell-Smith. It saved my sanity!

  82. I’m so glad someone has finally said it how it is. I wish I was given the heads up when I had my little boy seven months ago. I was very emotional and like you became a blubbering mess when we had visitors. We also had a difficult time after he was born and were constantly back and forth to hospital due to bad reflux and infections and it’s terrifying. It hit me hard and I thought I was a terrible mum and it was my fault he way poorly so I took a step back (which I shouldn’t have done) and found it hard to bond with him after that. I had to go to the doctors as the blubbering didn’t end and was put onto anti depressants for pnd and I thought I was a complete failiure. It’s such a taboo subject but it’s refreshing that you’ve been so open and honest and I wish all mothers were given a heads up on the overwhelming feelings both positive and negative you can get when having a child. I still have good days and bad days, eapecially when sleep deprived and going back to work, but it’s the best job and feeling ever being a mum.

    Thank you.

  83. What a wonderful blog. I don’t think there is a mum in this world that hasn’t cried during those first few weeks! I remember when my little man was 3 weeks old and had spent the whole day screaming, it just became too much and I just broke down. Family support is the most important thing and I remember phoning my sister who immediately came round, gave me a hug, took him for cuddles and made me tea. It’s all I needed, someone to just give me a few moments and I got it!
    I also remember when he was 2 months old, he was in hospital with Bronchiolitis. It was heartbreaking seeing this tiny little thing on the children’s ward with oxygen tubes up his nose. makes me nearly cry just thinking about it!

    I’m not going to tell you it gets easier, every new month brings a new challenge. My little one is 19 months old now and an absolute joy and tinker all at the same time!!

    Take care of yourself and always ask for help if you need it!

  84. I’m so happy you were honest about the first few weeks after birth. I’m glad to see someone else actually talking about it. And know that you aren’t the first new parents overwhelmed and as long as you do your best, everything will be fine. Being the “perfect mum” is an illusion; although I’m pretty sure your son thinks you’re already perfect. And your husband. :)

  85. […] was really pleased to read this blog the other day by Giovanna Fletcher (Tom from McFly’s other […]

  86. You have worded those first experiences most eloquently. I remember when my boys were newborn I felt a lot of the things you expressed here and I too was struggling to be ‘together’ in front of others. It’s an all too common situation that simply isn’t talked about enough. We hear about the severe cases that result in tragedies but it’s not made clear enough that all mums go through the emotional ebbs and flows of motherhood. I remember crying because my egg stuck to the frying pan and making a really big deal out of how the towels were hung in the bathroom. I think the biggest thing to remember is that you are adjusting to motherhood just as you would anything else in life and that takes time. Every day will be different with changing highs and lows. It sounds like you are coming out the other side of those first few intense weeks and that you have an amazing support system behind you. I applaud you for admitting that it wasn’t all smooth sailing and acknowledging that you needed that time to heal. Many women can benefit from stories like yours and I hope you are taking notes as perhaps this could be a topic for another book down the line. I think a book on Afterbirth (and I don’t mean the placenta LOL) would be very welcomed in a world where the discussion falls short once the baby arrives! You could even get stories from other women who can give different perspectives on their experiences. It could be a very good addition to the parenting book community. I wish you all the best with Buzz as you adjust to life as a trio! x

  87. Now that you’ve lived through it, you need to read this:
    http://www.pileofbabies.com/birth-10-surprises-first-days-delivery/

    talk about honesty!

    it will make you laugh! (I hope….) :)

  88. Amy Ducker-Jacques

    What a lovely story. You should do a mummy interview G. I loved doing mine…..
    http://www.strawberrykitten.com/?p=1584

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